Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
