all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Life is so much better after having sex.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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