so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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