just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
