But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
