What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
