I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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