You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
