I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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