apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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