I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
