PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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