I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
