Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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