Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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