There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize