i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
