just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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