I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
