So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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