just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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