I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
