finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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