Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
