I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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