I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This baby is an asshole
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
