Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
