Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
