I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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