Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
