I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We left an ass print on the piano.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize