I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
