YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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