Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Farmville is her only friend.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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