I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i think i just lost a toe
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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