She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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