what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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