Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
