I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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