a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
