it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize