can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
