white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
