do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
they're like a gay fantastic four
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
