Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Be still, my beating vagina.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
