So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
