Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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