U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
