walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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