Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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