Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
