we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
