Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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