i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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