nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
