Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize