omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
