It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
