i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
