I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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