I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
