I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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