I am puke
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
