he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
