Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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