ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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