My first STD was from a foam party
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
