we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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