But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
