So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
