An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize