whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
